Infertility & Infant Loss

October is Infertility and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Infertility and infant loss is an extremely painful experience that affects millions of couples every year. Infertility affects 1 in 8 couples, and the loss of a baby affects approximately 1 in 4 pregnancies.

Having gone through infertility myself, I know how challenging the experience can be. Having PCOS I always knew I would have troubles conceiving a child, but I never imagined the anxiety, grief and isolation I would feel going through it all. Counting days, blood draws, taking meds on certain days, then different meds on other days, then waiting to take a test to see if it worked, only to be left full of grief because it didn’t. Then back to waiting to do the next round of treatment, but this time with more meds and higher doses. I was lucky though, it only took 5 rounds for me to get pregnant with my first. But that also came with hearing all the things people would say. “maybe if she wouldn’t try, it would happen,” “if God wanted her to have a baby, then he’d let her have a baby,” “there’s nothing wrong with her, she’s just trying too hard and wants it too badly,” and the best one, “if she’d just not think about it, it would happen.” Some of these things were said directly to my face, while others I heard through the whispers and people talking. It was heartbreaking. They didn’t care that I had a medical issue, in their eyes, it wasn’t the problem, I was. It was my fault I couldn’t get pregnant on my own.

I’ve had many friends deal with infertility costing them thousands and thousands of dollars. Going through treatment after treatment, hundreds of shots and medications, trips out of state to specialists, only to be left with a ‘not pregnant’ pregnancy test, time and time again. Every time, left grieving that loss, left with the anxiety if it’ll ever happen, questioning what’s wrong with your body. Every treatment that doesn’t work is a loss. The loss of that baby that could have been and the reality of starting another round of treatments is mentally, emotionally and physically exhausting. Not to mention, the financial strain due to the cost of the treatments, that often times, is not covered by insurance.

Having infertility and going through treatments, is not for the weak, it tests your strengths, your mental health, your body and even your relationship. You watch your friends get pregnant and you celebrate with them, while hurting on the inside. You see teenagers get pregnant on accident and wonder why you can’t get pregnant that easily. You hear of woman getting pregnant that don’t want to be pregnant and cry because you’d give anything to be pregnant. Infertility takes a toll on you mentally that no one will ever understand unless they’ve experienced it themselves.

While I’ve personally never experienced the loss of a baby, I have witnessed countless, mothers, fathers and families experience this detrimental loss. As a photographer for Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep (NLMDTS) an organization created to give grieving parents timeless images to remember their sweet baby. I have seen mothers holding their angel baby and grieving the loss of their baby born into the arms of God. I’ve watched grandparents dress their lifeless grandchild, siblings kiss the nose of their little brother or sister they’ll never get to grow up with, fathers hold the hand of their little girl or boy that they’ll never get to hold again.

Infant loss is unfathomable, unimaginable and unfair. Never getting to bring your baby home from the hospital, never getting to watch them grow up, never getting to hear them say ‘Mama’ or ‘Dada’, and never getting to experience that child’s firsts. It’s not fair. You’re left with empty arms, an empty nursery and a broken heart and somehow you have to figure out how to move on with a piece of your heart forever gone.

I am very thankful more attention and more awareness has been raised for both infertility and infant loss. While both are hard to imagine, they are even worse to experience and oftentimes woman are left feeling isolated and alone and with no support system. I hope and pray that if you are experiencing infertility or infant loss you reach out and find support.

If you know someone going through infertility, I hope you are a support system for them. I hope you listen with open ears, mind and heart. I hope you give them strength when they are struggling. If you know someone that has lost an infant, I hope you are there for them, not just at the time it happens, but for the following weeks, months and even years. Losing a baby will affect a person for the rest of their life.

There are many ways one can give back to those that have lost a child. You can donate your wedding dress to an organization like Angel Babies, The Emma & Evan Foundation, Little Angel Gowns or reach out to your local hospital and ask where you can donate your gown. These organizations use your wedding down to make dresses for stillborn babies. Create and donate Memory boxes for your local hospital, with items like handprint/footprint kits, an angel keepsake, baby blanket and bracelet. Purchase a Weighted Teddy Bear. These bears are specially made to match the birthweight of the stillborn baby and can be customized with baby’s name and birthdate. Plant a tree in honor of the baby. Customized bracelets and necklaces are also great ways to help a grieving mother.

While some of these images I’m sharing are hard to see, I have been given permission by the families to share them and bring awareness for babies that are born into Heaven.

If you or someone you know have experienced infertility or infant loss, please know you are not alone and you don't have to suffer alone. I am a safe place for you to come to. I have not experienced infant loss on a personal level, but I carry the loss of every single angel baby I have photographed with me every day.
There are many resources and support for mothers and families dealing with infertility and infant loss available. If you do not have a support system, feel alone or do not feel comfortable talking to anyone you know, please find support through an online resource or a counselor. Please do not fight this alone.

Resources for Infertility and Infant Loss Support and Bereavement:

Chasing the Rainbow | https://chasingtherainbows.org/
Missing Grace Foundation | https://www.missinggrace.org/
Return to Zero: HOPE | https://rtzhope.org/
Empty Cradle | https://www.emptycradle.org/
Butterfly Kisses Alliance | https://www.butterflykissesalliance.org/
Resolve | https://resolve.org/
The TEARS Foundation | https://thetearsfoundation.org/
M.E.N.D | https://www.mend.org/
Rachel's Gift | https://www.rachelsgift.org/

There are many more resources for support and help along with resources for infertility treatment and grants for help with treatment. Along with these resources, there are also many foundations to help with hospital, funeral, cemetery and counseling costs for families.

I pray for every family that has every experienced or is experiencing Infertility and/or Infant Loss. You are not alone and you do not have to bear the burden alone.

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